The Legend Of Hercules

OK, I'll start with a quick synopsis. Set in medieval Greece we start off with King Amphitryon attacking, and subsequently overthrowing Argos (the catalogue store always gets a battering in these type of films..) Anyway his wife is, quite frankly fed up of his tyrannical ways and calls upon Zeus to impregnate her. Then her second son can sort out this mess... (yeah, that'll work..) Anyway what do you know but King Amphitheatre (that's deliberate and not autocorrect) catches her 'doing it' and is none to pleased. Cut to 20 years later and Hercules is a hunk, he fancies the princess of Crete, older brother none to pleased etc,etc.. You don't need to know anymore, trust me..

Alarm bells sounded when I first walked into the screening. I wasn't sure if this weekends showings were advanced previews? Yeah, that what it is.. That's why it's on such a small screen.. No, the reason it's on a small screen is because it was made to be shown on a nonspecific, non terrestrial TV channel at 2.30am..

Ok, first the good points... I'd like to know what diet Kellan Lutz is on because he looked terrific..

Now the bad points... deep breath... Firstly, the really bad CGi... We're talking 'Mummy 2' bad.. Yeah, remember that one? I won't blame you if you don't, it was wiped from most peoples memory by the travesty that was the 'Mummy 3' (if the second film doesn't kill the franchise the third one will..)
Next there was the acting.. I'm sure Kellan Lutz is a nice bloke but actor? To be fair most of the actors couldn't 'act' there way out of a Cilit Bang commercial (where's Barry Scott when you need him?).
There was a section half way through when two characters are branded with a hot iron (you don't need to know why..) and I was feeling more pain than them...
And here's another thing ***spoiler*** The princess gets impaled through her chest with a particularly large dagger and you think not even Russell Crowe could have survived that..
The next scene there she is. She's given birth and is holding a bouncing baby.. Eh?
There is loads of sequences like this one, that are just....baffling. At one point I considered leaving but then thought "damn it no, I've paid nothing to see this and I'm gonna see it through to the bitter end credit sequence.."(which was abysmal by the way in case you were wondering).
The question that remains is "was it so bad it was good..?" I'm not sure.. I did laugh a couple of times. But was it entertaining..? Would I recommend it..? No and no.. Wait until it's out on a nonspecific, non terrestrial TV channel at 2.30am..
Overall, the worst movie of the year so far... *

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Captain America:Winter Soldier (2nd viewing)

Yeah, it was still good.. Jokes weren't as funny the second time round though..
My only problems is that it's too long..
Anyhoo still a **** movie

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Under The Skin

What the....?
Before going into see Scarlett Johansson's latest I thought I'd grab some sweets to enjoy during the hour and half or so, and in doing so I managed to cut my finger on one of the dispensers. I don't know if it was the resulting blood loss or high blood sugar level but when I came out of this film I wasn't quite sure what the hell was going on.. Or of course it could have been down to the fact that the film was as weird as a bucket load of curly wurly's on a bus heading into crazy town..
Ok.... breath..... Scarlet Johansen plays a woman driving around Scotland in a white van seducing men. She then takes them back to her place where they are lead into a vat of blackness and their innards are sucked out... That's it really. To synopsise anymore would give out plot spoilers..

It's an odd film that's for sure. And that's a good thing. I've gotta be honest I did doze about half way through although I don't think I missed anything crucial. The film was full of lingering shots and Scotland did look particularly appealing (as did Scarlet Johansen in a weird alien life sucking type way..)
The music was, like the film disturbing and is still lingering in my head...
Everyone I know would probably hate this film and that's one of the reasons I kinda liked it.
Overall I've gotta give it **** just because it's different. And after some of the 'meh' I've seen this is quite refreshing..

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Muppets: Most Wanted.

Wasn't expecting this one until next weekend so this was another advanced preview..
Ok, firstly a confession... I enjoyed the last movie. I grew up with the Muppets in the late 70's and 80's and enjoyed them then too.. Secondly I thought the trailer was hilarious.
As a greying, forty five year old male I can safely say this movie wasn't aimed at me.. 

Firstly let's get the cons out of the way... There was too many songs for my liking and, as a result the film was too long. Cut out a couple of musical numbers here and there and it would have been a lot more enjoyable..

That's not to say I didn't have fun though. I'm a sucker for 'self referential humour'. The opening song was a good dig at sequels and even Ricky Gervais had a pop at David Brent and his dance 'style'.

There was lots of little sight gags too and the cameos were too numerous to mention (Usher as an usher was a stroke of genius!)

Overall, very funny and if it had been shorter and punchier I'd have given it four stars. As a result though I'm going with ***1/2. And I may see it again if it sticks around..

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Captain America:Winter Soldier.

This one was exciting. I managed to get a free ticket the the premier in Cardiff tonight. And as Kasha, the Disney representative pointed out to the audience, this is the first showing of this movie in the UK.!! 
And it was packed..! (well, it was free). 

At 2 hours, 16 minutes it wasn't short either. That being said, the time bombed along. Chris Evans (not the ginger one) slips comfortably into the role he played in Cap'n America 1 and The Avengers (plus a brief cameo in Thor 2) and comfortably into a tight t-shirt too. Here he's settled down working for Samuel Jacksons Nick Fury along with the ever gorgeous Scarlet Johansen's Black Widow (who hopefully I'm gonna see in 'Under The Skin' this weekend). He still questions Nick Fury's motives but it's not until Nicks attacked that it all kicks off.. 
There's some pretty cool action set pieces and the film is littered with the humour we've come to expect from the Marvel franchise (although not as much as Avengers and Ironman 3). I enjoyed it and to avoid upsetting Kasha that's all I'm prepared to say.. 
Overall a throughly enjoyable ****. 



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The Zero Theorem

I'm not sure what I've just seen.. Being familiar with one or two Terry Gilliam films I should be used to 'odd' really but '12 Monkeys' was a long time ago... It's a credit to the director that I'm not sure how to describe the movie. But here goes... Set in the near future we find Qaun(?!), played by Christoph Waltz, a bald, lonely man who lives in an abandoned church. Every day he commutes to work where he does something similar to data processing? I'm still trying to work it out myself.. He manages to pursued his boss (Matt Damon) to let him work from home where he can be ready to receive the call that will provide him with a purpose to his life (??) You still with me? I think that's it.. Throw in David Thewis as his supervisor, Tilda Swinton as a Shrink-Rom (you've gotta see it..) and Matt Damon as the MD and there you have a tin full of crazy..

 This film had all the trademarks of Gilliam.. The odd technology. The odd characters.. Let's be honest the whole films odd.. Which is a good thing... Odds good... I like odd.. It's different..

 All in all I enjoyed it (I think!?). Definately one to see again on DVD..

Rating ***1/2.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

I wouldn't call myself a huge Wes Anderson fan but Rushmore is in my top 17 films of all time! It's his attention to detail I admire. There's a scene in 'The Royal Tenenbaums' where we see a framed pair of underpants hanging on the wall (I laughed out loud when I first saw that!) 

That being said I didn't warm to Moonrise Kingdom that much (only managed 1/2 the film before the rental expired). This on the other hand I thoroughly enjoyed. 

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300:Rise Of An Empire (3D)

As I wasn't required for decorating duties and Ladysmith lodge today I headed off early into town for a 10am showing..
This is the sequel to Zack Synders '300' staring Mr Gerald Butler. After a 10 year flashback at the beginning of the film it then continues in a parallel time period to the first film. This time it concerns Themistocles (Sullivan Stapleton) and his Athenian fleet and how they attempt to hold back the Persian armada led by Artemisia (a scenery chewing Eva Green... actually, to be fair pretty well everyone chomped on the furniture!). There's buckets of CGi blood and if they were to play all the slow-mo scenes at normal speed they could have halved the 102 minutes running time.. There was a lot of style and I imagine the entire film was a produced via green screen. That being said I still enjoyed it... In a kind of forgettable and disposable way.
Zack only produced this time but he still left his mark all over it..
Overall an entertaining way to while-away an hour and a half on a Sunday morning.
Rating ***

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Non-stop

Back in Cardiff for a wet weekend and after a spot of painting (ceiling and trim) Graham and I settled down for 12.45 showing of Liam Neeson's latest blockbuster..
Empire magazine didn't particularly like this one and the 'I' newspaper was kind of "...meh.."
Graham on the other hand thoroughly enjoyed it. Me? Well I was more in "...meh.." camp.

Ok, firstly let's synopsosise. Mr Neeson plays a 'down on his luck', US Marshall on board a flight to London when he receives a text informing him that "in 20 mins someone's gonna die if £15000000000000 is not transferred into a nominated back account".. (I may have exaggerated the figure there but it had 15 in it..) Throw in some twists and turns, a bit of suspense and a couple of red herrings and you know the story.. And at the time I kind of enjoyed it... It's not until now that I've sat down, and started to analyse it that I can see the holes.. In fact lets not dwell on that... Actually I can't stop dwelling on that.. And there in lies the problem. At the time is was throwaway fun but the more I think about it.. And I won't mention the scene about 2/3rd's of the way through were Liam opens his heart to the passengers. It made me cringe rather that feel any sympathy for him .. Sorry, I just mentioned it.. Anyway, you can see where this is going..
Ok, rating **1/2..

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